My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
