Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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