She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
