Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
