You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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