So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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