I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
