Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
