i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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