Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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