I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
