I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
