in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
