The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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