Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
