hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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