So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
