i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
