Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
