Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i think i just lost a toe
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
