dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
