Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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