Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
