We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
