my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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