Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
