think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
