the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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