Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I could fuck to npr.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
