So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
As shirtless as possible
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
