you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
