Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
