I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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