It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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