The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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