Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
