Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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