When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
