Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
