I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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