So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize