omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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