A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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