Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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