You can't special order awesome
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Rumble strips road head = magical
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All the doctor said was why
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
