After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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