i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
