Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
