I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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