theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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