I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
