I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
