why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
