What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
