The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
