When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize