I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
