Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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