I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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