In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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