apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
