Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
