I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
