I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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