I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
