well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
