Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
