you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
