That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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