that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
