So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
