she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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