Christians are straight up FREAKS
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
